There’s a saying, ‘nice guys finish last’. Many of us identify with this, and don’t know why girls don’t like them the way they are. Let’s talk about what a nice guy is, and what’s wrong with being the stereotypical nice guy. When the nice guy likes a girl, he talks to her constantly and he does everything that she asks for, and more. He listens to her talk about her problems, her whining about what someone said, and eventually about other guys. He’s in the friendzone. Meanwhile, the nice guy waits patiently for this girl to realize that he was the right one all along! This never happens because the nice guy doesn’t make his intentions clear! He’s trying to get with a girl, but he’s not being upfront about it. Basically, he’s lying about his intentions.
On the other side of the spectrum stands the so-called ‘jerk’. This is the guy who chases girls for purely selfish reasons. He goes for the girl, and afterwards drops her for another just as easily. He doesn’t care about anything but his own pleasure. Why does he get the girls? He’s forward, not afraid of speaking his mind, and has a bit of excitement about him in that the girl never knows what’s going to happen next.
The player takes some of the aspects of the jerk, but turns them into positive ones. He approaches girls at his own leisure, always says what he wants to say, and really just tries to have a good time. He brings the excitement, like the jerk, but in a positive way. He does things, he’s a leader. He’s fun to be around.
Now, the most important thing if you want to get a girl is communicating your interest. You need to portray yourself as a sexual interest, not as a friend. The key to this is escalation. The nice guy is afraid of breaking the status quo. You want to be with this girl right? That means moving forward. A very important tool in escalating is touch. Start touching girls right as you meet them; be touchy-feely. Touch her shoulder when you make her laugh, pull her in close, arm around her waist when you tell her something. Then take things a step further after that, take her hand, and hold it for a bit, touch her more in general, make the conversation sexual, and from there kissing isn’t a big step.
But to get in contact with a girl, there’s something you need to do: Approach them. That cute girl in your class, the girl that sat next to you in the bus, that one you had a silly crush on for years? Go up to them and start a conversation, with the goal of asking them for their number or out for a date. Many guys are afraid of rejection, and therefore the thought of approaching girls scares them. This is called Approach Anxiety, and can cause you to freeze up completely, stumble over your words, and it will make it very hard to approach. You can work through this by starting in small steps. Say hi to random people, start conversations with people you don’t know. The anxiety will become less over time. I’ll go into how to approach and how to work on Approach Anxiety in another article.
In my next article I’m going to tell a story about the first night I went out with my wingman, Life, and go detail the steps he followed and the thoughts he had.